The Wives of Joseph Smith

Shopping for building materials

What does shopping for building materials have to do with my exodus from the church?
Read on...

My wife and I bought a house last year. As the home inspector stated on his inspection report, "This house has a door and floor theme, repair-wise."

Walking through the house is an exercise in creative martial arts technique. Finding the perfect place to step is nearly impossible - the creaks seem to move after they've been stepped on. I know of a few methods to fix this problem, and the most effective ones are usually the most difficult to implement.

The doors in the house were a joke. I guess after tearing the crap out of the floors, our previous residents moved on to the doors. Every door is the cheapest hollow-core style you can get (as in flat and hollow). The door to our bedroom has no bottom, so you can squeeze the door like two pieces of bread, or you can bend the door into a skateboard ramp. Some of the door jambs are actually pieced together strips of scrap wood rather than actual molding. Obviously, I have quite a job ahead of me.

So here's my solution. I paid about $12,000 in tithing to the church over the course of five years. I'd like a refund. I'm sure the church would never consider giving it back. So I've come up with a solution that I feel suits us both.

I desperately need some doors. So I'm going to go shopping for doors at the ward building. They have some very nice, heavy duty, PRE-STAINED (no less), solid doors that I could really use. I don't care if they don't fit - I can cut them to suit. From what I've seen, they really don't use the doors very much (think back to the awkward, jealous looks you received from those who were stuck in their classes, while you got to use your newly-walking child as an excuse to get out of gospel doctrine). While I'm at it I might pick up some of that nice stained oak molding they use along every inch of the hallways. And a desk for my computer. Hey - maybe a new couch!

They can keep the burlap wallpaper, though.

Eric
New Name Dan

What is The Sugar Beet?

The Sugar Beet was a satirical magazine about mormon culture. It started in 2002 online for free, and in 2004 became a subscription publication (as in on paper). The move from free to subscription lost many readers. The magazine became a blog during part of its printed days, and kept going for a while after it was no longer being made. The main site is now down, but the archives are still in tact. Go to The Sugar Beet Issue 25 and use the "Sugar Beet Archive" to move back and forth between issue 25 and previous ones.

I was mildly involved as one of its writers from issue 4 up to the last year. I was a minor contributor, but loyal writer's group member.

Eric

Selfless Advertisement for The Sugar Beet

Important news update

In July, the Provo City Council narrowly rejected a proposal to add “not voting Republican” to the Biblical list of offenses punishable by stoning. In response, the Utah Young Democrat party is suing the city for their right to “get stoned” in Provo.

(Never published on The Sugar Beet - that's right, this isn't real news)

Update

I have been telling people online that I would reveal myself once I received my confirmation of resignation from the LDS church. My name isn't found in any current phone book, and I have no reason to hide from anything, so now's as good a time as any. More importantly, I stand behind my comments (even when I'm off-base), I stand firm in my convictions (until my beliefs are modified), and I stand behind my own name as an aspiring author. If you don't agree with my opinions, too bad. If you do agree, too bad as well.

I will continue to be known on various recovery boards as New Name Dan, and on blogs as Epik. However, my real name is Eric Palmatier.

Thanks for reading!

Eric
New Name Dan

Editorial Cartoon

I thought this editorial cartoon might interest someone.

Eric
New Name Dan

Today...

Today my wife and I got a letter back from the church saying they had received our request (see THIS LINK). Now let's see how the locals take it...

Unpublished Sugar Beet Article

Provo Man Hosting Sons of Perdition in his Bowels

(Provo, UT) Montgomery Q. Parvel of Provo has determined through personal revelation that he has been called to be the repository of the Sons of Perdition. According to Parvel, the Sons of Perdition are being contained within his bowels, with master Mahan himself, Cain, taking residence in his intestines.

Parvel has been suffering from the ill-effects of hosting the universe’s concentration of sin for many years. He has been an embarrassment to his wife and family due to the rancid flatulence and volumous belching he has been made to endure as part of his calling. According to Parvel, he has suffered from ten years of constant diarrhea, aggravating stomach cramps, and has even soiled himself is church due to the side effects of his marvelous blessing.

“I’ve had a heavy burden to carry. It’s not easy having such evil inside you,” said Parvel, who believes he was called to be the holiest of unholies while visiting Ecuador in 1992. At the time, he started to have terrible stomach gas that, as Parvel’s mother states, “smells like decrepit brimstone.” Once things started to go downhill, Parvel was taken to a doctor, who derived from numerous tests that he has contracted some sort of unknown parasite. Several attempts to remove the parasites were unsuccessful, leaving Parvel to live with pain, embarrassment, and suffering.

“I was so worried about living a long life with those bug parasites in my guts. You can imagine my relief when I not only discovered I had been chosen for an important calling, but also they were only the Sons of Perdition, and not real parasites,” said Parvel.

Parvel’s wife, however, is skeptical. She has always believed his gastronomic afflictions were due to the constant supply of Mexican and Chinese food he eats for lunch. “He eats the most spicy, nasty stuff in Provo, and it’s no surprise that his stomach is all torn up by it. I get gas just thinking about his gas,” told Amanda Parvel, who has lived his her husband’s noxious emanations since the night they were married. “If it weren’t for his drop-dead gorgeous looks, I don’t think I would have stuck around this long. I may have even been killed by this point, but the military issue gas mask has been a marriage saver.”

Elizabeth Parvel, Montgomery’s mother, takes quite an opposite stance on the situation. “I’m proud to be the mother of the man chosen to keep the Sons of Perdition and that evil demon Cain under check. I knew he was worthy of greatness from the day he came out.”

LDS Church representatives were unavailable for comment, but Sister Jensen, the assistant secretary to the church office phone operator, was able to add speculation that if it was revealed to Parvel through personal revelation, there’s not much the church could do or say to contradict it. According to Jensen, “church leaders will probably have to talk about it over dinner in the temple cafeteria.”

Moroni-POP!

The Unforgivable Sin

This thread is being simultaneously posted in various places, including my blog, formons.blogspot.com

The Unforgivable Sin

In my internal struggle with my mormon past, I’ve been dwelling on some of the things I once believed or taught to others.

For almost a year I was a gospel doctrine teacher for the teens of the ward. I had all of the classes rolled into one. I think it covered 13 through 17 (and occasionally some 18-year-olds who didn’t want to leave for Relief Society). In one of my many lessons I seem to recall telling the kids that the church teaches of an unforgivable sin: to have known and denied Christ.

In a brief conversation with my wife last week, I told her about this LDS gospel ideal, and she thoughts I had contrived something somewhere. I was adamant it was in the church lesson manual that way. Tonight, I am reflecting on the past and present (today we sent in our letter of resignation), and did a little research. This topic is open for discussion, but please be aware that I am working off recollections from about five years ago.

The church teaches that the unforgivable sin is to have known and then denied Christ.

Jeff Lindsay, noted self-apologist, has little to say about unforgivable sin. In his FAQ section he tells one repentant soul that, “There is nothing that you could have done that is completely unforgivable.” While this is in reference to his revealing his past sins to his fiancée, no mention of specific sins was made, and one can only assume that Lindsay means, quire literally, “Nothing… is completely unforgivable.”

Dictionary.com states that Unforgivable is defined as ”of or relating to an act or situation that one cannot or will not forgive: unforgivable behavior (bold emphasis added).” A simple digestion of this seems to indicate that unforgivable means, quite simply, not forgivable. There appears to be little interpretation on the meaning of the word.

The bible is a little unclear on the topic. Matthew, Mark, and Luke all list the unforgivable sin as blasphemy against the Holy Ghost. Acts 13 states, “By him all that believe are justified from all things (Acts 13:39).” Even Matthew 12 indicates that speaking against the Son of man can be forgiven. Enter the LDS church for clarification.

A search of the LDS standard works Guide to the Scriptures tells us that, “Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which is willfully denying Christ after having received a perfect knowledge of him, is the unforgivable sin.” This statement referenced, and led me to, Doctrine and Covenants 132 – not only the subject fodder for the lesson I gave a few years back, but the very revelation that officially brings the “new and everlasting covenant” to the church. Or, in other words, this is the same revelation that not only “reveals” the everlasting marriage, but the ability to have everlasting marriages (i.e. plural wives).

D&C 132:27 reads:

“The blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which shall not be forgiven in the world nor out of the world, is in that ye commit murder wherein ye shed innocent blood, and assent unto my death, after ye have received my new and everlasting covenant, saith the Lord God; and he that abideth not this law can in nowise enter into my glory, but shall be damned, saith the Lord.

David was not forgiven for the murder of Uriah. But, however, he was also not damned for it either. He will, according to the bible, still be resurrected at the end of the Millennium, but will not receive his full exaltation. But is murder exactly what the church is trying to portray as the unforgivable sin? Or is it murder after having become an elect member of the church following the new and everlasting covenant? If so, then many early LDS pioneers might be in grave danger for murders they may have committed on behalf of the church or the prophet. But still, is this what the church is saying?

The LDS standard works Bible Dictionary, under the definition of blasphemy, states that, “Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which is willfully denying Christ after having received a perfect knowledge of him from the Holy Ghost, is the unforgivable sin (bold emphasis added). So, if I read this statement correctly, this corresponds with what I taught those impressionable yet unreachable teenagers, that is, that the unforgivable sin is to have known and then denied Christ.

So then, with my interpretation of this statement, paired with my current apostasy, it appears that I may have committed the unforgivable sin, at least in LDS terms. My wife initially felt that their definition might refer to the leadership of the church, who are supposed to have seen, or known, Christ. However, the Bible Dictionary entry seemed to change her opinion more toward mine. To have received a confirmation that Jesus is the Christ through the Holy Ghost, and then deny that confirmation, may very well be part of the foundation of the true-believing mormon’s view of those who “fall” into apostasy.

It sickens me to think that I taught this to anyone. I believe I was even disgusting enough to use one of my in-laws as an example of having known and then denied Christ. Now I see that that family member never had a knowledge of Christ. And now I see that I was wrong to believe and preach such misguided ideals – and I essentially never knew Christ either.

New Name Dan

formons.blogspot.com

Today was the day

Today my wife and I sent in our letter for the family. It had the two of us as well as our children. It all started about 2/3rds through the year, and, for my wife, came to a head last night. See the RfM thread: LINK

Basically my wife went to a church meeting at my sister-in-law's ward and she came to realize the church was a cult.

So today the letter was sent. And now we wait.

A personal note

As some of you may know, or have gathered, I am a recovering Mormon. I willingly jumped into this in 1998, and with the help of my wonderful wife, we're slowly working our way out together.

I don' t know what I'd do if one of the two of us were still a True Believing Mormon and staying behind. I've been the slack one for years, but only due to social discomfort at church (I got through the initial reaction to anti-mormon claims not long after joining). My wife has been slack the last few years, but not nearly as much as I have been. Somehow, thank whatever, we're coming to the same conclusions here. It terrifies me to think of what this would be like if it were only me on this journey.

I love my wife dearly, and fail miserably in letting her know that. It pleases me to no end to know that I am not alone in this or anything else.

LU!

Writing

I want to write.

Once upon a time I was on my way to becoming a writer, or so I thought. I guess I might have been on my way to being an English teacher, with writing being one of those cool side-effects to a career, but when I saw what a teacher's salary in my state, I felt retail might be a better direction.

And what a direction that was! Standing up all day, having to deal with customers who talk non-stop for twenty minutes about everything except what they need. Long hours, short breaks, and almost no days off (both physically and mentally - even if you manage to get out of town). Having to have a cell phone with you at all times in case your coworkers can't find the paperwork you left in the filing cabinet, where it should be.

I want to write.

Writing's not easy. Nor is it without its own pitfalls. Editors, deadlines, advances (or no pay at all), and the dreaded writer's block all replace boss', holiday hours, low commission, and a lack of sleep. And there's the creativity problem - as in, creativity is a problem when you're a writer, but retail is pretty much just showing up at work with a pulse.

I find it nearly impossible to find time to write. Right now, as I write, it's past 1:00 AM. No kids to tend to, no requests from my wife. Silence and darkness lend an ease to putting thoughts to keyboard. Sleep depravation gives generously to creativity, though you might disagree while reading this.

I want to write.

I like fiction with a basis in reality (or occasionally truth). I have all these stories in my head, swirling around, stinking up my noggin. But the reality of my creations get mucked with my day job, my stress, and my desires to write on. My reality is often my own kind of fiction - the life I lead feels like a badly-written piece of pulp. It feels a lot like this article.

What I really need is a new job. One where I can write.

Sugar Beet Article from September 15, 2003 Issue 25

Stake Now Requires Power Words in Church Talks

By (me)
WAPPINGERS FALL, NY—Much to the surprise of local members, the Wappingers Fall New York Stake is asking all wards to follow a new guideline that governs the use of certain words in sacrament talks.

In a letter sent to the bishops of this stake’s twelve wards, stake president Samuel Johnson asked that all who are blessed to talk to their ward during sacrament include at least one “power word” from a list of ten words that will be rotated quarterly. The letter advises that future updates may include phrases as well as single words.

Included with the letter is the third quarter’s list of words, with such classic plain and precious utterances as “notwithstanding,” “indebtedness,” “nevertheless,” and “even.” Many of the words are well recognized by members who frequently watch, listen to, or attend general conference. A query on the church’s official website, lds.org, produced 204 results for the word “notwithstanding” and 416 matches for “nevertheless.” Most of the resulting links led to conference talks and Ensign articles, and very few scriptural passages.

“It is our hopeful expectation that, by following the lead of the prophet and other general authorities, we can invoke a more transcendent spirituality in sacrament, annex our minds’ perspicacity, and forge a commendatory experience for sojourning investigators,” stated President Johnson’s letter. Johnson adds, “BYU studies have shown that emulating President Monson by using the word ‘even’ in the opening prayer of sacrament increases spirituality by 12.87 percent.”

Members will be required to use at least one word from the list in every talk. Those who fail to follow the new guideline will be asked to attend a new Speaker Development Class held during Sunday School until they can prove proficient with at least one of the words, properly and effectively using it in the correct context. A wayward member will then have to undergo an oral interview with his or her bishop and President Johnson before being allowed to give another talk. At this time, other talks and lessons outside of sacrament meeting will be free of the new guidelines, at least for the time being. This will include all testimonies, even if performed at the pulpit.

Despite the minor repercussions for failing to follow the new requirements, many members are excited about the change, such as Joshua N. Sumner, a deacon in the Great Salt Lake 49th Ward. “I’m overwhelmingly stimulated over the idea of being able to use a lot of the words I learned while watching Dawson’s Creek the last few years,” said Sumner. “And to think my Gospel Doctrine teacher told me such programs would lead me to no benefit. Quite an absorbing transformation, similar to an abrupt and unexpected pirouette.”

In addition to the words mentioned, the list also includes: “befall,” “submissiveness,” “hearken,” “tenderhearted,” “commiserate,” and “similitude.” President Johnson’s letter asks bishops to send the letter to all ward members and post it at the pulpit where speakers can review it.

The letter concludes, “In accordance with the recently pertinent commandment to ‘raise the bar,’ we release this mandatory guideline with the full and everlasting knowledge that it can only augment the repute of our meetings and membership, and produce a wonderful neighborliness within the community, as appropriately authorized by the stake.”

Sugar Beet Article from August 26, 2003 Issue 24

Church Asked to Remove Street Reminder Signs
By (me)

OREM, UT—Following increased pressure from non-LDS groups and organizations, the church has agreed to ask wards to discontinue the common practice of putting signs at busy neighborhood intersections to remind ward members of an approaching Enrichment night.

The church has decided to use this opportunity to step back so they may ponder and pray over the effectiveness of using street-corner signs while maintaining a low profile with non-member neighbors. The public relations and marketing department of the church feels it has come up with a solution to satisfy both requirements.

The Orem 2,537th Ward has been called upon to test the effectiveness of the church’s new Reminder Signage Program. Of the ward’s 437 members, 175 people have been called as Ward Reminder Specialists and will sport attractive yellow signs around their necks at all times. The test program will start with selected meetings, and the church hopes that within the next few weeks signs will remind ward members of all up-and-coming meetings and activities.

“As members fulfill the commandment to love their neighbors, our hope is to bring the good news about meetings to all who are receptive to our message,” says Bishop Joseph K. Kovinovich. “Preliminary reports suggest we could be looking at a 52 percent increase in meeting attendance and a 63 percent increase in ward social attendance. And I would like for all to notice that the church’s marketing department decided to use an appropriate color for the signs. Studies have always shown yellow to be eye-catching and lend a sense of power or strength, while still giving the viewer a sense of harmony with their world. The bold, black lettering is hard to resist and should draw much attention. The wording has been prayerfully chosen for its simplicity and directed focus. There’s no flowers or doilies on this sign! It’s simply just darn good marketing technique, through and through. We’re all so energized about this!”

“I’m quite excited about my new calling,” said Ken Bowles, one of the many new Ward Reminder Specialists. “I’ve been wearing my sign to the grocery store, in restaurants, and at work. I’ve caught many looks around town, and I’m sure every sister in Orem knows that the Orem 2,537th Ward’s Enrichment is this Thursday night. One lady in the thrift store came to tears of joy and laughter when she saw how well I am magnifying my calling. I hope the sisters’ next meeting is filled beyond capacity with faithful and obedient women.”

Some Ward Reminder Specialists are not thrilled about their new calling. Deacon Jimmy Pulverman feels like he’s become a target at school. “All the kids laugh at me, and at lunch the seniors throw mashed potatoes at the sign. I look like a big moron with a sign telling all seven of my ward’s young men and women about our combined meeting next Tuesday. Heck, two of the young women don’t even go to this school!” Pulverman anticipates the day when the new Reminder Signage Program goes worldwide. “I can’t wait to see how many kids have dumb flooping signs around their necks that morning,” said Pulverman.

“I think it’s the best thing your church has come up with in a long time,” says nonmember neighbor Jimmy Simpson. “Not only can I tell who to avoid while out and about, I don’t have some stupid sign in my yard every month. It’s such a great idea, I think the church should make missionaries wear big yellow signs saying ‘LDS Missionary’ so I can see them coming a mile away.” No other nonmember neighbors could be found within ward boundaries for comment.

If the test program goes well, the church hopes to have the new program ready for North American implementation in time to remind the world about October’s general conference.

Sugar Beet Article from March 22, 2002 Issue 4

Church Announces New Oversight Department
By (me)

SALT LAKE CITY, UT—Authorities of the LDS Church recently announced the inspired creation of a new administrative department to handle the use of abbreviations.

They have formed the Church Abbreviation Department, or CAB, to handle all instances of the use of letters to abridge church-used monikers. The CAB will now oversee all uses of these terms, which, after dramatic increases during the last decade, apparently number in the thousands. Only time will tell if this move will facilitate the use of letter simplification in the church, but many sources in the organization are enthusiastic about the CAB's success.

“I think this is well overdue,” said Brother Joseph Kling, head of the new department and WES for a local LDS Church ward in West Jordan. The CAB will be responsible for the appropriate use of all instances of LDS, WES, PEC, PM, YM, YW, QP, HPG, HPGL, EQ, EQP, WC, HT, VT, WML, WCM, RSP, BOM, D&C, POGP, JST, TG, OT, NT, MTC, DL, SM, JM, GA, MP, MF, and of course, CAB.

“The CAB will make meetings easier for the weekly PEC and the PM of each organization in the ward. The YM and YW organizations will have so much time on their hands they will be called to help the older members of the church adjust to this new system. I can't begin to tell you how excited the QP in my HPG was when we held our last PPI.”

Bishop John Norton of the Orem 103rd Ward is excited about the possibilities for the church and its members. “I wonder what we ever did before the CAB. Our WC will be able to handle names better; the HPGL and EQP will be able to motivate more of the men through the HT program. Our WML will enjoy his WCMs with the missionaries more. The RSP, Sister Jones, is excited to give this to the sisters to talk about with their VT families.”

The CAB is claiming to have scriptural support for this addition. Brother Kling claims to have “concrete evidence that the CAB was actually used in the days of Nephi” and was omitted from the BOM translation to make room for the WOW sections of the D&C.

“Apparently when the BOM was first published with the D&C, POGP, JST and TG, they needed to make room somewhere to cut costs. I don't know why they didn't just abbreviate the thing instead.”

Sugar Beet Article from March 7, 2003 Issue 19

Church Announces New Satellite Training Program
By (me)

SALT LAKE CITY—No longer will it take a team of three authorized ward members, in conjunction with eight witnesses and two radio engineers, to aim church satellite dishes to the appropriate horizon and vector. The church has announced plans to train a single church member in each stake of Zion to properly adjust church satellite dishes on their own.

The church provided details of the new calling and subsequent training. Every stake president is to call a worthy member with satellite-dish experience to the office of stake satellite patriarch. They will be sent to Brigham Young University in Provo to undergo a week of training with the university’s finest satellite technicians. Stake satellite patriarchs will be called upon in the event of a particular ward’s dish being moved or replaced and will hold no other calling within the church.

“This is truly a blessed day!” said George Bard of the Yuba Lake 17^th Ward in remote Yuba Lake, Utah. Bard, a retired electronic engineer who is often called to readjust his ward’s satellite dish after tampering by local ruffians, is quite elated to know that the church will call and train a single person to do everything.

“I’m quite often called upon to administer over the adjustment of our receiving dish. It’s not an easy thing to get duly authorized priesthood members who are worthy of laying hands upon the dish,” said Bard. “It’s even harder to call upon the brethren to put their faith forward with pioneer spirit and watch to ensure the correctness of the adjustment. Most difficult of all is getting Joe Young to come all the way down from Nephi to assist me as an engineer set apart to verify the directional indicator lights are red.”

Other than George Bard, Joe Young is the closest electrical engineer to the Yuba Lake area, which is located about 50 miles south of Nephi. Due to Young’s distance from the building site, coordinating the efforts of the adjustment can be difficult.

“Actually, I’m quite tired of having to come all the way down here just to watch. I don’t know why they call me; I’m not even Mormon,” said Young. “Besides, they don’t really listen to us. The only reason they have to adjust it every time is because they don’t tighten down the fastening bolt. And to make matters worse, any idiot can see that when the adjustment unit light turns red, the dish is aligned. I’ve told them over and over again what to do, but they just ignore me and pretend they know what they’re doing. In fact, the only reason George and I are called is because yet another nitwit in Salt Lake says they need to.”

LeVoy Pratt, a newly appointed member of the 12^th Quorum of the Seventy, will oversee the new program. Pratt has been involved in the church’s worldwide satellite broadcast efforts for years. His experience working for Super Sound and TV, a supplier of consumer television and satellite equipment in Ogden, combined with his worthiness, have allowed him to be seen favorably by the presidency.

“The Brethren have decided that the time has come for the authority to handle sacred electronic equipment to be held by one worthy priesthood holder per dish. No longer will this holy responsibility be handled by a quorum of worthy men under the direction of ward representatives and the supervision of experienced electrical engineers. Now the church will undertake serious prayer to choose a single worthy member in each stake to handle all aspects of satellite-dish adjustment,” said Pratt.

“I feel that all 11 million viewers of the church satellite broadcast system will raise a hallelujah shout in their hearts over the church’s new emphasis on making sure someone within 50 miles of a ward building will be able to move their satellite dish by 2 degrees to the northwest. They will be blessed to see every broadcasted event, no matter how obscure or unimportant they may be.”

The new callings will be made this spring, with the first annual church satellite adjustment conference following the CES convention in August 2003. As with all church programs, the new organization name will be abbreviated, in this case to CSA.

A beef about names in Mormondom

Why is it that we INSIST on using the [firstname] [MI] [lastname] format in Mormondom? (think Gordon B. Hinckley). We didn't start out that way. Maybe Parley P. Pratt was an early adoption of the policy. I don't know anyone professionally, personally, or churchonally who goes by their first name, middle initial, and last name. Oh, and throw in one's title and you get even more nonsense...

Thoughts on the Larry Miller incident

I won't spend much time adding a couple well-rubbed pennies to what's already been said on this topic. I'm more interested in what KSL TV reported only a couple nights after the incident. See the article at:
http://www.ksl.com/?sid=149942&nid=148

Basically, the station did an "exculsive" poll of the average (Mormon) person on the street and found:
"60% of of Utahns think Miller was right to cancel the movie."
More than 80% said a supposed ban of the theater by local gay and lesbian groups is "not justified."
59% said Miller owed no public explanation.
"Only 22% said they had seen or planned to see the movie."

I believe this poll is total bunk. Even if the poll could find a totally random selection to poll from, the majority of those Utahns polled would be Mormons. I don't argue with the numbers they give - in fact, I'm not surprised by them at all. It's just typical given the predominately Mormon populace. They're bunk because the people polled are completely biased toward percieved public desire and toward outspoken and popular fellow-Mormon Larry H. Miller.

Sure, the theater continues to show other movies that would violate popular LDS moral code. Yes, the decision seems to have been driven by the fact that the characters have a homosexual relationship. These aren't necessarily the problem. The biggest problem is that the decision seems to have been an irrational, and harmful, business decision based on morals.

In business, we live in a time of generic business morals and ethical behavior. It's not perfect, but for the most part, one has free access to goods and services. Now, if a business chooses to do business a certain way based on the owner's own moral standards, that's fine as long as the business doesn't exclude specific customers from patronizing their establishment. Chick-fil-a is closed on Sundays for the Christian Sabbath, but that doesn't mean they won't sell their food to Jews. Miller has every right to exclude certain films from his theater if he wishes, but in THIS particular decision he seems to have excluded homosexuals and their supporters - not by refusing them to use the theater, but by removing ONLY a movie about homosexuals from their lineup. As you are well aware, there are other "objectional" films showing at the theater right now.

The second problem here, which is a little more troublesome to me, is the overwhelming majority of public support who seem to feel that he not only did the right thing, but doesn't need to account for his decision at the same time. While I beleive his decision clearly state his intentions, and he shouldn't have to state them in words in any case, he has come out to clearly state that it is not a stance against homosexuals in general. However, I beleieve all of his actions thus far prove that it is a stance against homosexuals. And most importantly, he is not the moral leader for the Mormon public, though he is being treated as if he were.

Additionally disturbing was the banter between news anchors the night this article first aired. After the article, Nadine "DiDi" Wimmer said "that won't be the last time we're the butt of Jay Leno's jokes!" [referring to a monologue joke made by Jay Lenno] Proud much of "our" peculiarity, are "we?"

An article never published

Here is an article I started to write, but never submitted for publication, as far as I can recall.

Moore Visit Causes 47% Drop in Holy Ghost Awareness

(Orem, UT) Thousands of Orem and Provo area residents reported feeling a disturbing drop in their awareness of the Holy Ghost during the recent visit of Michael Moore to a local college.

The visit to Utah Valley State College October 20, which caused such a stir among the overwhelmingly conservative residents that many equated it to a visit from Master Mahan himself, has been reported to have caused a recorded 46% drop in Holy Ghost awareness within 25 miles of the college.

While local church authorities have confirmed the recession of spirit was caused by Moore’s visit, they have been unwilling to reveal the method by which they measured or confirmed the event. Despite this, many local residents have come forth to testify of their own loss of spirit between 9:00 am and 2:00 pm that day.

“I nearly fainted when I felt it,” said 65 year-old Benjamin Kingby of Orem. “I felt a great disturbance in the Holy Ghost. It was as if a million hearts were crushed in one moment. It was very alarming.”


I loved the fact that Michael Moore created such an uprise locally. If you don't live in Utah, you may not have even heard of this event, but it was truly an interesting event, despite ones' opinions of Mr. Moore.

Images Part Four

And here we are with another news magazine cover format, utilizing the images I previously posted. I was big into parodying a certain mag's style with images I wanted to portray. Admittedly, this was mostly self-promoting, from the group's sense, and was never used for that and other reasons.

Images Part Three

This was the second of this line of images. I had another that read, "well ordained," which I scrapped for this at the insistance of a fellow Beeter.

Sugar Beet - Pass it Alone - Images Part Two

One day I had the idea to combine The Creation, the LDS poster of muck being passed along, with the Sugar Beet. This was a difficult image to work out, as the only image of a sugar beet I had was very low quality. A fellow Beeter had purchased a silly print of a sugar beet off of eBay, and she sent it to me to scan. After getting it in the computer, I had to painstakingly shave off all the excess image data (shadows and the like). Then I took the best quality version of The Creation I could find and inserted the sugar beet image. This version was one of many, which you will also see in later posts.

Sugar Beet images, part one.

I was a "writer" and occasional graphic artist for the Mormon-oriented satirical magazine, The Sugar Beet. By "writer" I mean that I wrote some stuff, but didn't contribute nearly as much. Given my recent road to apostasy, lately I've been itching to get some of this online. This was a parody of a popular news magazine cover.

My inspirations from left to right:
Metalica dude. His goatee makes him fringe, however, the Darth Maul horns, red eyes, and black t-shirt make him a little more questionable.
Star Trek Wannabe. Playing off the apparently popularity of science fiction among Mormons, probably because they have such faith in fictional stories.
Questionable Sexuality Person. Is this a woman or a man? Does this person even know?
Obviously Cross-Dressing Guy. He's even wearing a light blue blouse and a hefty Southern Utah belt buckle. Oh, and his eye shadow matches.
Punk Polynesian Girl. She's actualy the more spiritual of the bunch. She maintains only one pearcing per ear. Unfortunately, her shirt is nearly black.

Please note, this image was never used by the Sugar Beet, mostly because of no article to attach it to, and I am currently not affiliated with the remnant of The Sugar Beet, who are putting together a book of their best articles, none of which are mine (I told you I was a "writer" for them).