Formons (Archive Only - Go to "a new eric")

Formons is going away

2006-04-03T01:00:00.000-06:00

I've had enough of my dual-blogs. Formons and Epik Speaks His Mind are going into archive.

Please update your links, and your frame of mind, to my new blog. To A New Eric. Please move forward, as I am, to aneweric.blogspot.com

Thank you for reading, and thank you for your support.

Eric

Churchity church church update

2006-03-27T22:39:00.000-07:00

Today my wife and I got our de-membering confirmations, or in other words, we got letters indicating that we were no longer members of the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints (de-capitalization for emphasis).

So that's it. Unless, as the letter indicates, I want back in, my local bishop would be HAPPY to help me.

Um... no. Thanks, though.

[raising a Smirnoff in salut]

Eric

Leaving the leaving of the church

2006-03-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

Most people will notice I've posted very little lately. I often get into this cycle of not posting for a while and then picking it up again at some point. But each time I cope back to the blogs, I have less and less to say.

Not a bad thing.

As odd as it sounds, I think I'm getting over a lot of the gravity of this journey I've taken. I've moved on a bit, and therefore, find myself not having anything to say.

I wish I had more to say about what's going on. Frankly, it's nice. Sorry to disappoint.

Eric

I left the church so I could sin my pants off

2006-03-03T23:09:00.000-07:00

Actually, my wife and I didn't. But any boiling TBM who peeks into my life now would make that very statement.

When I turned 21, I was not a Mormon. My wife was, but was not actively attending church (though she will point out that she still had a testimony then, and just wasn't choosing the right). We went to a nearby Applebee’s so I could legally order a drink. I ordered a Bahama Mama that tasted horrible. I now know that was because I went to an Applebee’s for my first drink.

I used to have an occasional strawberry daiquiri when eating at restaurants. They didn't taste bad and were usually a good addition to the overall flavor of the meal.

I grew up with alcohol in the house. My dad drinks scotch. He used to occasionally have one of us boys pour him a drink when he got home. Three ice cubes and two or three fingers high. My dad also drank beer for as long as I can remember. My mother occasionally would have some, but never really had one all her own. They both consumed wine as well. I still remember the old days of getting a "wine in a box" at the liquor store. I still recall going to the liquor store on a regular basis (one can find a lot of them in New York state), and have fond memories of one we frequented in Fishkill between Shop Rite and the Hudson Valley Mall. I love the memories of real, homemade eggnog during the holidays (complete with rum).

So I wasn't much of a drinker, even though it had always been around me. I recall an instance where I told my mother I would never drink beer, to which her reply was, "you'll think differently one day." I used to think that I had been neatly prepared to receive the Word of Wisdom portion of the Mormon doctrine because I didn't like alcohol, coffee, or tea.

Now, my wife and I have resigned our memberships in the Mormon church over reasons of doctrine, history, logic, reality, and common sense. We've told a few people this - even our neighbor, who was our home teacher.

After about eight years in the church, and now hitting my 30s, I found I wanted to live a little. I hadn't done much living while in my late teens and early 20s, and had been baptized before turning 23 anyway. So in my exodus from the church, I let go of some of my apprehensions.

Honestly, joining the church would have been so much harder had I had a few drinks before my baptism (no, not right before the baptism, though that would now be funny).

I've always had an affinity for rum in my eggnog, though even that had created some interesting flaws in my beliefs over the years. I guess I'm a rumaholic, because I can't get enough of it (mixed, not straight). My favorite has been rum and coke - which most people will find to be a joke. But damn good, I must say. Dark rum with mixed in equal portions with coke, with a squeeze of real, fresh-cut lime... excellent. If you want some good, and tasty, rum additions, try rum and root beer (A&W is the best). Rum and Pibb Extra (formerly Mr. Pibb) is also a good combination. Malibu rum is very tasty by itself or in sweet soda combinations (such as the root beer or Pibb). Malibu and cranberry is great. Hell, Malibu and apple juice is good too.

Last weekend I got very tipsy (drunk) for the first time. I always feared being drunk, like I was losing control of my life. I found it actually made life itself less controlling over me. I could enjoy myself. I didn't throw up. My head was in a buzz, but I still had reasonable control over precise actions. Even best, I could laugh and have a good time. I even tried scotch (although it had club soda in it - sweeter than I thought).

You see, I've become the sinner they think I am. I obviously left the church so I could sin – I’ve proved them right!

Eric

Angels of Satan: Schanze finds a new edge to go over

2006-03-03T22:46:00.000-07:00

Dell Schanze has gone over the edge only to find another edge to hang dangerously onto.

The owner of Utah's Totally Awesome Computers is one of the most famous infamous personalities of Utah. The owner of a local chain of computer stores that also sells online around the world, is well known for his ventures into Totally Awesome Guns & Range as well as Totally Awesome Flying Sports, his late-night infomercials on morality, dogs, and guns, and most of all for his annoying public persona, has finally lost it.

Most people familiar with "Super Dell" will say he lost it years ago. I beg to differ. He was missing a few marbles before, but now he's lost them all - even the bag. Just read the KSL article (see comment on KSL at bottom of blog entry!)

He closes his business because of the “angels of Satan,” also known as the Utah media.

The ultra True Believing Mormon has crossed the line from crazy wacko Mormon into fundamentalist Danite Mormon.

He believes the media is not only out to get him (they are at least out to report on him - he makes news very easily), but of the devil, murderous, and damned.

Is this not the calling card of crazed fundamentalism? It would be no surprise to see him reopen his computer business in southern Utah while sporting a big gun and a second wife. He's gone past his weird ideas on morality and ethics and into paranoia with a twist of incomprehensible babbling.

Don't get me wrong about the business. I think the business was admirable, existing as an enigma in the computer retail business. I dabbled in the same business years ago, and know it was hard to exist in the 90s, let alone the early 2000s. The guy was quirky and annoying for a reason - it was brilliant marketing. Everyone hates the man, but still looks into the company when they need a new computer. Now, though, the man has thrown off the business and entered into a reality where he is the martyr of the century. He's let his ultra-Mormonism take control of his common sense.

Expect to see him present himself as a persecuted savior to the people of Utah. Dell Schanze is becoming Jesus Christ himself.

He went well past the edge this time.

Eric

Going postal...

2006-03-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

From Meridian Magazine:

Some things only happen once in your lifetime. Celebrating the 200^th year anniversary of Joseph Smith's birth was one of those rare events. As if to help us understand the significance of the experience we'd shared together as a people, President Hinckley told us at the end of the celebration that he was adjourning it for another hundred years.

You are probably like us. We like to remember the significant experiences of our lives.

Soon after we were in Sharon, Vermont covering the Joseph Smith Bicentennial Celebration in December we learned a wonderful thing: In honor of Joseph Smith and this significant milestone in history, the United States Postal Service issued a commemorative cancellation stamp. It would only be used in the tiny Sharon, Vermont Post Office (Zip Code 05065) and only from December 23, 2005 to January 23, 2006.

Yes, this is for real. The USPS had a limited-time only stamp cancelation graphic comemorating the birth of Joseph Smith.

Does anyone else find this not only creepy but weird?

I'm glad I don't know anyone in Sharon, Vermont that would have sent me a letter.

Eric

Sorry about being quiet

2006-02-22T21:52:00.000-07:00

My hard drive died. I'm working in West Jordan temporarily, so my time at home has been highly limited. As soon as I'm back at my normal work location I expect to have my computer back up and write a few things on the blogs.

Eric

Sugar Beet - another update

2006-02-10T00:15:00.000-07:00

I managed to contact Mr. Bigelow and now I'm back in the Sugar Beet loop. Granted there's a lot less going on now. They're working on the Sugar Beet book. I'll keep those interested (and those who are not) up to date with what I can. I don't want to spoil anything.

Eric

Working with Mormons

2006-02-10T00:14:00.000-07:00

I live in Utah, so there's not much I can do to get away from Mormons at work.

Somehow I've lucked out, at least within my own group.

My supervisor is LDS only because he was baptized. I think he quit during his seminary years. He has a lot of baggage. He's leaving at the end of the month, which is actually a good thing despite the direction of this article.

One coworker is only in my store two days a week (as she travels to two stores every week, ours is the one she spends less time in), and he has her own baggage, as I recently learned. Very direct reason for not being part of the church, but too serious for me to talk about it.

A third coworker works in the store just as much as I do. She's relatively new. I know she's not active, and does not follow the restrictions that the church places on people. I think her parents are LDS, though they are originally from Europe (as in, not from Utah). She has issues, but nothing like the others or myself.

The last coworker in our group is a moderate True Believing Mormon. He's from Mexico City, and while his parents are LDS, he was brought up in a different culture and social scenario. I know he was naughty in his youth, at least before his mission, and has been a good boy since. He doesn't know anything about my exodus from the church.

There are dozens of people in my work environment, not of my work group, who are LDS. I would venture that most if not all of them are. There's even a creepy future "adult singles ward" guy who knows the church owns Coca-cola because he claims to have seen the church's financial statements. As if the church would let any one peon, non-employee, 20-something, non-royalty, conspiracy-theory member see their financials.

The problem I have, which is the purpose of this article, is that I can't stand it. A guy recently got married in the temple, but never went on a mission. He was in the store tonight and seemed to go off into la-la land when I asked him how the wedding went (knowing full-well about the temple - the reason I asked!). It wasn't good, great, or horrible. It was... "um... ok."

I'm surrounded by the superficial existences of others who believe, with whatever percentage of their being required to dupe them into believing, that the church is true no matter what. They don't know about Joseph Smith's dozens of wives. They don't know that Smith was an egotistical attention seeker with a complicated god complex who felt the world should bow at his feet (read about his many exploits into combining church and state as well as his sense of entitlement and self-importance). They don't know anything, and yet they profess to know everything.

It's hard working with Mormons. I wonder if I was just like these people during those years I was the only Mormon in my workplace. Actually, I know I wasn't, at least outwardly. I even told them all I voted for Gore, which was probably harder on that all-Republican group than the fact that I was LDS.

It's going to be interesting working among Mormons - especially now that I'm not one of them.

Eric
New Name Dan

An Outsider Looking In

2006-02-05T23:10:00.000-07:00

An Outsider Looking In

Not being an original Utahn, I can’t help but find certain things a bit odd. Having been born in the Hudson Valley area of New York, and then living as a Damn Yankee (not the big hair band) in North Carolina for fifteen years, I feel that my four years in Utah still qualifies me as an outsider. In any case, I seem to get weird looks from people when I bring these differences up, further cementing my sense of being out of touch with fellow Utahns.

more...

Wow! I found the Sugar Beet! (an update)

2006-02-05T22:19:00.000-07:00

It seems that Mr. Bigelow and Mr. Carter (which whom I work with on occasion in the Sugar Beet organization) are continuing the Sugar Beet in blog form on Blogger! The title links to the new Sugar Beet blog.

From my observation, I would point out that much of it comes from the first version of the Sugar Beet, which can be browsed by starting here and using the archive link at the top of the page to start on issue one and (using your back key) move forward to issue 25. Issue 26 forward was done in print and available only by subscription.

In my opinion, a very weak version of what once was. I'm tempted to start writing again to help out, as I find I have much more inspiration for satirical LDS-themed articles now that I've started my journey out of the church. But I barely have time for my blogs, let alone more Sugar Beet articles.

One thing to point out, though, is that the book seems to be moving forward. Read about it here.

Eric

In reponse to a Daily Herald letter

2006-02-03T10:32:00.000-07:00

Click on this article's title to view the letter to the paper. You need to read the letter and responsed before reading my comments!

I read through many of the reponses to this letter to the paper and picked up on a few highlights...

First, one response was on the money about being a mob mentality. If you do a whirlwind tour of sociology, one would discover that instances of mob mentality throughout history have created some of the best and worst in humanity. While the mob mentality it not limited to the LDS in Utah County (where I happen to live these days), it is DEFINITELY a very predominant influence on every-day life. I would venture to associate Utah Valley to some areas of the Islamic world in terms of overall actions toward "non-members" and the mob mentality that ensues.

The modern LDS culture is cut from a different mold than the modern Presbyterian movements, though much of the original church stemmed from Presbyterian ideals. There is a predominate tendency toward supremist thoughts and actions. The "true church" mentality is different than the "true gospel" mentality of, among others, the Baptists. The church thinks it's 100% true and perfect, and its members act in similar fashion. The Baptists know they are imperfect and only have hope for salvation in Christ's grace - a form of humility, if you will - that creates a different mentality among Baptists that while the mormons are totally wrong, they themselves are not perfect except when prone to Christ in spirit and mind. Still fierce, very outspoken, but not as mean as LDS people will get when they revert to the "well your church is 100% true and perfect" mentality.

Which leads me to my second observation about the Daily Herald site. Some of the comments stated that, paraphrasing more than one of the comments, "We can share what we know..." The problem with this is how LDS "share" knowledge. They don't come out and give you the plain truth, but give you the filtered version of what will get you interested and create a base emotional response to something mostly benign, win your trust, and hope you look past (or never see) the hard-cutting fringe part of the gospel. Sharing is a difficult concept for the LDS people beyond what they share. The LDS capacity for fanaticism changes "sharing" the gospel to "cramming" the gospel down someone's throat.

One comment stated that, "We can share what we know and invite people to join but we can't force them." The only problem with this is that, despite not being ABLE to force someone into mormonism, they certainly do everything possible to PUSH people in that direction.

I easily recall my more TBM days living back east with the assured knowledge that because I was mormon, I was a cut above the rest. I was superior, and if I didn't directly "share" my "beliefs" with others, I needed to live those beliefs to ensure my superior status. This is how many LDS people think, act, and live. They are the upper-crisp of humanity, in their eyes. And Utah is the gathering place for superiority. Apply these factors to impressionable children, and you get the Utah Valley mob mentality.

My wife and I are very recent exmormons, and we still live in Utah Valley (though our family has only been here a few years). We hope to raise our children to make choices for themselves instead of falling prey to any mob mentality. We do, however, fear for their childhood. We hear of instances like these all to often, where children are shunned by society for not being mormon. Having grown up an outsider in my own right, and knowing how that effected my life, I worry that my kids will end up being just as messed up and mormon kids, but from a different direction.

Of all my research and pondering, I've come to see that the mormon church does not profess the New Testament teachings and example of Jesus. Tolerance and compassion is not a virtue of the LDS church when it comes to non-member neighbors in your own neighborhood.

Eric Palmatier
New Name Dan

A personal note

2006-02-02T00:54:00.000-07:00

Feel free to visit my personal, non-mormonism-related blog. The think is along the side under "My regular blog." Not as interesting as this stuff, I hope.

Eric
New Name Dan

In response to "The English and the Anti-Mormons" by Aaron Johnston, Nauvoo.com

2006-02-02T00:09:00.000-07:00

In a recent article, Aaron Johnston Writes:
More specifically, I define an anti-Mormon as anyone who actively works to break down the Church and disenfranchise its members. These are the guys who wave banners and shout scripture outside the Conference Center during General Conference. Or the guys who pass out anti-Mormon literature at all the temple open houses. Or the guys who invite Mormon missionaries into their home only to start an argument and stir up a cloud of contention. Or the members of the Church who became "disillusioned" with the gospel, leave the Church, and then do everything in their power to take other members with them.

By Johnston's broad and assumptive definition, I can't think of a single person who has left the church who wouldn't be considered an anti-mormon. At some point, whether in their actions or in their heart, anyone I can think of who has left the church has struggled with helping (taking, in his words) family members leave with them. What person would willingly see the church as a fraud only to accept, without any hesitation, that their family members remain because it's good for them?

If you and your siblings were being abused (physically or mentally), and you manage to escape said abuse, would you just sit idly by as your siblings continue to be abused? Would you be content in leaving them behind with no attempt to rescue them as well? Mormonism is in many respects a system of mental abuse. If you gain a testimony that the church is false and abusive, would you be giddy and joyful about those you love remaining within that environment?

Interpretations aside, if working to "disillusion" members so I can "take" them with me is considered anti-mormon, I will proudly bear that label. I will not sit idly by and let the church take my kids. As my wife and I leave the church, I fully intend to "disillusion" and "take" my kids with me. If this labels me an anti-mormon, even if only in Aaron Jonston's eyes, I would be proud to be considered as such.

Johnsoton writes: Sad Truth #1: Anti-mormons don't care what you think.

Perhaps this is because the beliefs of church members are not wholly based on thought, but more on emotional response to repetitive stimuli and irrational reasoning. Pure dislogic, to a mind affected in emotional ways as many church members have been (commonly referred to as "brainwashing"), becomes so much more than actual logic. Dislogic becomes fanaticism. Fanaticism is not rational thought. If anti-mormons don't care what you think, it's probably because you're not actually thinking.

Johnston: Sad Truth #2: AMs believe they know Mormon doctrine better than you do.

While I must admit there are many anti-mormons who are merely countering mormon doctrine with more mainstream Christian doctrine, there are a large number of people who fall somewhere between those who have read a few books to those who have done in-depth study of mormon scripture.

I would peg most fanatical Christian anti-mormons on the low end of knowledge, where they read a few things and heard a counter argument made by someone with more knowledge.

Next you have those like me and most others I know of who have read things, researched some stuff, and have managed to think and discuss an idea to no end. We know enough to get out of the church and try to make sense of our lives. There are also some very well versed evangelicals out there who fall into this area.

Lastly, you have those who have not only read books counterpoising the Book of Mormon, but have not only read the Book of Mormon itself, but have likely spent much time creating cross-references for their cause. This is the true core of anti-mormons. These are also the people who very likely DO know “Mormon doctrine better than you do.” I would venture to say that most true believing mormons don’t know a tenth of what scripture really says, or they wouldn’t still be members of the church.

Sad Truth #3: AMs gleefully stockpile obscure quotes by general authorities and former members of the Church.

Johnston says that quotes are taken out of context. By his wording, I can only assume he means every quote it taken out of context. While I’m sure this happens often, most likely from those who were not members of the church, I know that a large number of well-meaning members also take quotes out of context, especially when an obscure but popular general authority has done it as well.

The church itself makes every attempt to limit quotes and references from prophets before the 60s and 70s. Why is this? Because, they feel, the references would be taken out of context. The truth is, the reference shows how things have been whitewashed or altered over the years – not for changes in doctrine, but for changes in position and appearance to the rest of the world.

Sad Truth #4: AMs will never, under any circumstances, admit they're wrong.

I’ve been wrong lots of times. I’m sure many people have. I know many true-believing mormons have as well (though they don’t think they’ve ever been wrong). This argument hold little water for me as what an anti-mormon knows to be right and a true believing mormon feels to be right are two different interpretations of what “right” really means. There’s no way to really prove right from wrong when there’s no reconciling facts from fiction.

Sad Truth #5: AMs will not leave you alone, even if you ask them nicely.

Mormons do the same thing under the guise of bring you a means by which to salvage your own salvation and inherit the highest degree of glory available to them (and winning them good works points toward their own glory). Even if mormons don’t pursue something, they pray for you to change your mind, which is just as bad as not leaving you alone.

Mormons seem to like a good fight, like to feel that they’re beliefs are right. To feed that egotistical need, they fight about it. It’s human nature. Anti-mormons are human too, and fall prey to the same irrational feelings.

Sad Truth #6: AMs are not courteous.

Neither are most mormons, when you boil down to it. In fact, it seems to me that most people are not courteous when their beliefs are being challenged. On the other hand, a lot of people can be quite aggravating when trying to prove someone wrong (or just prove their point).

There are a lot of low-tier anti-mormons (the fanatical ones as mentioned earlier) who are down-right rude or crude. The garment-waving protesters come to mind. I wouldn’t place them in a true anti-mormon category. These people are just out to feel big and mighty through loud voices and eye-catching actions.

Of course, this comes back to Johnston’s problem. He generalizes anti-mormons this way. Some opposed to the LDS church are not courteous, therefore all anti-mormons are not courteous.

The true anti-mormons are the learned ones. The ones who keep a level head, the ones who were in debate class, the ones with intelligence AND conviction. The idiots who make a ruckus outside of the Salt Lake City temple are there just for the noise and the ability to make some weepy mormon unhappy. A true anti-mormon not only knows how and why the church is false, but can prove it to anyone with a speck of open-minded logical inspection.

In conclusion, Aaron Johnston is simply generalizing his beliefs that all anti-mormons fall into the fanatical, irrational, and moronic category. In fact the truth, just like the church, its much different from the façade that he places upon his apparent belief that people, member or not, are either for or against the church. In reality, most people could care less and know little about the mormon-antimormon debate.

Eric Palmatier
New Name Dan

The Wives of Joseph Smith

2006-01-29T00:16:00.000-07:00

Shopping for building materials

2006-01-28T22:16:00.000-07:00

What does shopping for building materials have to do with my exodus from the church?
Read on...

My wife and I bought a house last year. As the home inspector stated on his inspection report, "This house has a door and floor theme, repair-wise."

Walking through the house is an exercise in creative martial arts technique. Finding the perfect place to step is nearly impossible - the creaks seem to move after they've been stepped on. I know of a few methods to fix this problem, and the most effective ones are usually the most difficult to implement.

The doors in the house were a joke. I guess after tearing the crap out of the floors, our previous residents moved on to the doors. Every door is the cheapest hollow-core style you can get (as in flat and hollow). The door to our bedroom has no bottom, so you can squeeze the door like two pieces of bread, or you can bend the door into a skateboard ramp. Some of the door jambs are actually pieced together strips of scrap wood rather than actual molding. Obviously, I have quite a job ahead of me.

So here's my solution. I paid about $12,000 in tithing to the church over the course of five years. I'd like a refund. I'm sure the church would never consider giving it back. So I've come up with a solution that I feel suits us both.

I desperately need some doors. So I'm going to go shopping for doors at the ward building. They have some very nice, heavy duty, PRE-STAINED (no less), solid doors that I could really use. I don't care if they don't fit - I can cut them to suit. From what I've seen, they really don't use the doors very much (think back to the awkward, jealous looks you received from those who were stuck in their classes, while you got to use your newly-walking child as an excuse to get out of gospel doctrine). While I'm at it I might pick up some of that nice stained oak molding they use along every inch of the hallways. And a desk for my computer. Hey - maybe a new couch!

They can keep the burlap wallpaper, though.

Eric
New Name Dan

What is The Sugar Beet?

2006-01-27T22:06:00.000-07:00

The Sugar Beet was a satirical magazine about mormon culture. It started in 2002 online for free, and in 2004 became a subscription publication (as in on paper). The move from free to subscription lost many readers. The magazine became a blog during part of its printed days, and kept going for a while after it was no longer being made. The main site is now down, but the archives are still in tact. Go to The Sugar Beet Issue 25 and use the "Sugar Beet Archive" to move back and forth between issue 25 and previous ones.

I was mildly involved as one of its writers from issue 4 up to the last year. I was a minor contributor, but loyal writer's group member.

Eric

Selfless Advertisement for The Sugar Beet

2006-01-25T23:46:00.000-07:00

Important news update

2006-01-25T23:43:00.000-07:00

In July, the Provo City Council narrowly rejected a proposal to add “not voting Republican” to the Biblical list of offenses punishable by stoning. In response, the Utah Young Democrat party is suing the city for their right to “get stoned” in Provo.

(Never published on The Sugar Beet - that's right, this isn't real news)

Update

2006-01-25T23:13:00.000-07:00

I have been telling people online that I would reveal myself once I received my confirmation of resignation from the LDS church. My name isn't found in any current phone book, and I have no reason to hide from anything, so now's as good a time as any. More importantly, I stand behind my comments (even when I'm off-base), I stand firm in my convictions (until my beliefs are modified), and I stand behind my own name as an aspiring author. If you don't agree with my opinions, too bad. If you do agree, too bad as well.

I will continue to be known on various recovery boards as New Name Dan, and on blogs as Epik. However, my real name is Eric Palmatier.

Thanks for reading!

Eric
New Name Dan

Editorial Cartoon

2006-01-25T23:11:00.000-07:00

I thought this editorial cartoon might interest someone.

Eric
New Name Dan

Today...

2006-01-24T23:37:00.000-07:00

Today my wife and I got a letter back from the church saying they had received our request (see THIS LINK). Now let's see how the locals take it...

Unpublished Sugar Beet Article

2006-01-24T23:36:00.000-07:00

Provo Man Hosting Sons of Perdition in his Bowels

(Provo, UT) Montgomery Q. Parvel of Provo has determined through personal revelation that he has been called to be the repository of the Sons of Perdition. According to Parvel, the Sons of Perdition are being contained within his bowels, with master Mahan himself, Cain, taking residence in his intestines.

Parvel has been suffering from the ill-effects of hosting the universe’s concentration of sin for many years. He has been an embarrassment to his wife and family due to the rancid flatulence and volumous belching he has been made to endure as part of his calling. According to Parvel, he has suffered from ten years of constant diarrhea, aggravating stomach cramps, and has even soiled himself is church due to the side effects of his marvelous blessing.

“I’ve had a heavy burden to carry. It’s not easy having such evil inside you,” said Parvel, who believes he was called to be the holiest of unholies while visiting Ecuador in 1992. At the time, he started to have terrible stomach gas that, as Parvel’s mother states, “smells like decrepit brimstone.” Once things started to go downhill, Parvel was taken to a doctor, who derived from numerous tests that he has contracted some sort of unknown parasite. Several attempts to remove the parasites were unsuccessful, leaving Parvel to live with pain, embarrassment, and suffering.

“I was so worried about living a long life with those bug parasites in my guts. You can imagine my relief when I not only discovered I had been chosen for an important calling, but also they were only the Sons of Perdition, and not real parasites,” said Parvel.

Parvel’s wife, however, is skeptical. She has always believed his gastronomic afflictions were due to the constant supply of Mexican and Chinese food he eats for lunch. “He eats the most spicy, nasty stuff in Provo, and it’s no surprise that his stomach is all torn up by it. I get gas just thinking about his gas,” told Amanda Parvel, who has lived his her husband’s noxious emanations since the night they were married. “If it weren’t for his drop-dead gorgeous looks, I don’t think I would have stuck around this long. I may have even been killed by this point, but the military issue gas mask has been a marriage saver.”

Elizabeth Parvel, Montgomery’s mother, takes quite an opposite stance on the situation. “I’m proud to be the mother of the man chosen to keep the Sons of Perdition and that evil demon Cain under check. I knew he was worthy of greatness from the day he came out.”

LDS Church representatives were unavailable for comment, but Sister Jensen, the assistant secretary to the church office phone operator, was able to add speculation that if it was revealed to Parvel through personal revelation, there’s not much the church could do or say to contradict it. According to Jensen, “church leaders will probably have to talk about it over dinner in the temple cafeteria.”

Moroni-POP!

2006-01-24T23:00:00.000-07:00

The Unforgivable Sin

2006-01-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

This thread is being simultaneously posted in various places, including my blog, formons.blogspot.com

The Unforgivable Sin

In my internal struggle with my mormon past, I’ve been dwelling on some of the things I once believed or taught to others.

For almost a year I was a gospel doctrine teacher for the teens of the ward. I had all of the classes rolled into one. I think it covered 13 through 17 (and occasionally some 18-year-olds who didn’t want to leave for Relief Society). In one of my many lessons I seem to recall telling the kids that the church teaches of an unforgivable sin: to have known and denied Christ.

In a brief conversation with my wife last week, I told her about this LDS gospel ideal, and she thoughts I had contrived something somewhere. I was adamant it was in the church lesson manual that way. Tonight, I am reflecting on the past and present (today we sent in our letter of resignation), and did a little research. This topic is open for discussion, but please be aware that I am working off recollections from about five years ago.

The church teaches that the unforgivable sin is to have known and then denied Christ.

Jeff Lindsay, noted self-apologist, has little to say about unforgivable sin. In his FAQ section he tells one repentant soul that, “There is nothing that you could have done that is completely unforgivable.” While this is in reference to his revealing his past sins to his fiancée, no mention of specific sins was made, and one can only assume that Lindsay means, quire literally, “Nothing… is completely unforgivable.”

Dictionary.com states that Unforgivable is defined as ”of or relating to an act or situation that one cannot or will not forgive: unforgivable behavior (bold emphasis added).” A simple digestion of this seems to indicate that unforgivable means, quite simply, not forgivable. There appears to be little interpretation on the meaning of the word.

The bible is a little unclear on the topic. Matthew, Mark, and Luke all list the unforgivable sin as blasphemy against the Holy Ghost. Acts 13 states, “By him all that believe are justified from all things (Acts 13:39).” Even Matthew 12 indicates that speaking against the Son of man can be forgiven. Enter the LDS church for clarification.

A search of the LDS standard works Guide to the Scriptures tells us that, “Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which is willfully denying Christ after having received a perfect knowledge of him, is the unforgivable sin.” This statement referenced, and led me to, Doctrine and Covenants 132 – not only the subject fodder for the lesson I gave a few years back, but the very revelation that officially brings the “new and everlasting covenant” to the church. Or, in other words, this is the same revelation that not only “reveals” the everlasting marriage, but the ability to have everlasting marriages (i.e. plural wives).

D&C 132:27 reads:

“The blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which shall not be forgiven in the world nor out of the world, is in that ye commit murder wherein ye shed innocent blood, and assent unto my death, after ye have received my new and everlasting covenant, saith the Lord God; and he that abideth not this law can in nowise enter into my glory, but shall be damned, saith the Lord.

David was not forgiven for the murder of Uriah. But, however, he was also not damned for it either. He will, according to the bible, still be resurrected at the end of the Millennium, but will not receive his full exaltation. But is murder exactly what the church is trying to portray as the unforgivable sin? Or is it murder after having become an elect member of the church following the new and everlasting covenant? If so, then many early LDS pioneers might be in grave danger for murders they may have committed on behalf of the church or the prophet. But still, is this what the church is saying?

The LDS standard works Bible Dictionary, under the definition of blasphemy, states that, “Blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, which is willfully denying Christ after having received a perfect knowledge of him from the Holy Ghost, is the unforgivable sin (bold emphasis added). So, if I read this statement correctly, this corresponds with what I taught those impressionable yet unreachable teenagers, that is, that the unforgivable sin is to have known and then denied Christ.

So then, with my interpretation of this statement, paired with my current apostasy, it appears that I may have committed the unforgivable sin, at least in LDS terms. My wife initially felt that their definition might refer to the leadership of the church, who are supposed to have seen, or known, Christ. However, the Bible Dictionary entry seemed to change her opinion more toward mine. To have received a confirmation that Jesus is the Christ through the Holy Ghost, and then deny that confirmation, may very well be part of the foundation of the true-believing mormon’s view of those who “fall” into apostasy.

It sickens me to think that I taught this to anyone. I believe I was even disgusting enough to use one of my in-laws as an example of having known and then denied Christ. Now I see that that family member never had a knowledge of Christ. And now I see that I was wrong to believe and preach such misguided ideals – and I essentially never knew Christ either.

New Name Dan

formons.blogspot.com